The Flow Zone: My Art and Healing
May 2, 2022 | Jimmy Johnson (they/them) | Artist
I always had a creative intuition. As a kid I remember using crafts, doodles, and other various mediums as a form of self-expression. I never considered myself an “artist” per say, but it was abundantly clear that the pursuit of creative passions made more sense for me than other hobbies, like sports (no, thank you).
As I grew up, I took art classes in high school and enjoyed them thoroughly regardless of the medium. It wasn’t until 2020 however, that art became a true passion. As the world began to shut down amidst a global pandemic, my mental health declined (yikes!). With my lack of employment and chaotic brain, it made sense to focus all my negative feelings and frustrations into an art flow.
Dealing with anxiety, depression, perfectionism, obsessive compulsive tendencies, and sexual orientation and gender identity crises without medication or therapy is a huge battle to face. I felt like I was held captive by my own brain, my thoughts antagonizing every little thing I did or didn’t do “correctly”. I started doing art as a form of therapy, a way to escape my own mind. Instead of screaming, crying, or panicking, I pushed myself into the flow zone. With the intense concentration drawing provides me, I’m able to put my mind at ease and feel safe again within my own body. I put my deepest secrets, my hardest struggles, and my weirdest quirks on a sheet of paper or canvas. Somehow that feels like more comfortable exposure than speaking. Art, in a sense, grounds me.
For me, art is now about self-expression. I find myself through art.
I’m aware picking up a pen, marker, or pencil isn’t the cure for mental illness. While sometimes it provides a wash of calm, it can send me into another downward spiral. While creation provides comfort, the expectation of creating fosters a sense of pressure.
The pursuit of perfection in order to deem myself worthy is an exhausting journey and complicates my relationship with artistic creation. The belief that I need to meet the excessively high standards I set for myself in order to achieve self-worth is a lie I’ve told myself since I was young. This fear of failure comes into play not only with art, but with my sexuality, work performance, friendships, et cetera.
While it takes more than an expensive set of colored pencils and creative impulse to redefine negative core beliefs, art can be a tool to support my mental health, rather than challenge it. Art, in conjunction with positive self-talk, a bit of therapy, and, in my case, a strong SSRI, allows me to discover new ways to care for myself. As the progression of my mental health continues to improve, I have started using more colors and draw few scary faces the anxiety and suppression inspired.
After my roommate challenged, “Well, who are you making the art for?” and I said that I make my art for myself, she reminded me: how could I mess up? Working to set aside my incessant fear of failure, I now keep this on repeat: I set the standard, I am good enough, and I choose to love what I create. I have no other person to appease aside from myself.
Art comes from my heart and soul, aiding me in my mental health and my journey of self-discovery. No matter how long I go between creations, and no matter the end result, I am an artist, and my art is an extension of myself.
Resources:
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health call 1-800-662-HELP (4357). Information is confidential, free, and available in English and Spanish 24/7/365
If you or someone you know is having sucicidle thoughts call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. Help is confidential, free, and available in English and Spanish 24/7/365.
If you or someone you know is struggling and part of the LGBTQIA+ population please call, live chat, or text the Trevor Project HERE. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7/365 days a year.
